Move Over, Orson Welles

The Room

The Film: Zero out of ****

The Experience: **** out of ****

Directed by: Tommy Wiseau

Starring: Tommy Wiseau, Juliette Danielle, Greg Sestero and Philip Haldiman.

Running time: 99 minutes

Some films are great and some are not. But only a unique few are so wholly incredible, they defy all criticism.

Such is the case with The Room, a melodrama written and directed by Tommy Wiseau. It premiered in Los Angeles in June 2003 to disastrous reviews and a virtually non-existent box-office take.

However, the film has built a fervent cult following. The Room is celebrated in the same vein as The Rocky Horror Picture Show and is regularly screened at midnight in dozens of cities across North America.

Screenings, like the one I partook in at the Mayfair Theatre in Ottawa last night, are packed with the film’s devout followers (whom I will refer to as Roomies).

These fans mock the film by throwing plastic spoons at the screen (when photos of spoons appear in the background) and repeatedly interact with the film by prompting lines of dialogue and welcoming the entrance of certain characters.

As well, Roomies insult the poor camerawork (“Focus!”) and editing (one person yelled “Rewind,” referring to the recycling of shots within two sex scenes).

To watch hundreds of devout spectators deride The Room with unabashed derision may be the most gut-bustingly hilarious moviegoing experience of my young life.

Even from within the uncontrollable laughter and mayhem, there were still bare remnants of a story. Johnny (Tommy Wiseau) is a successful banker living in San Francisco with his girlfriend, Lisa (Juliette Danielle).

But Lisa – entire proof of Wiseau’s misogynistic agenda – is dissatisfied with Johnny. She begins an affair with Johnny’s best friend, Mark (Greg Sestero, known as “Sestosterone” by Roomies).

The film also has numerous subplots, many of which are introduced and then entirely disappear.

One concerns a mentally ambiguous young man named Denny (Philip Haldiman) who Tommy is financially supporting through college.

Out of nowhere, he becomes involved in drugs, engages in a violent confrontation on a rooftop with his dealer, Chris-R (hyphen, final initial and all), is saved by Johnny and has an intervention with Lisa and her mother, Claudette. This dramatic scene proves to be insignificant, and has no use within the film.

Another out-of-place moment arrives when Lisa’s mother tells her that she has breast cancer. The issue never makes an impact on the story and is not mentioned again.

Other scenes are random and truly bizarre. At one point, two of Lisa’s friends - who have not yet appeared in the film - come into her apartment and have a steamy encounter (involving chocolate, the "symbol of love") on her couch.

In another scene, four males (who are dressed in tuxedos for some reason) head off to an alley and play catch with a football from short-range distances. Why are these moments inserted into The Room? Your guess is as good as mine.

The performances (or attempts at credible acting) must be witnessed and embraced (or punished) accordingly.

Tommy Wiseau’s acting is something to behold. From his blank delivery to his multi-faceted accents (of his nationality, your guess is also as good as mine) to his forced, cringe-worthy laugh, Wiseau proves how low a leading performance can droop. He recalls a hybrid of Jackie Chan, Arnold Schwarzeneggar, Christopher Walken and a poor Borat impressionist. Even worse, much of his dialogue is dubbed.

Wiseau originally wrote The Room as a play, and spent many years fundraising the project independently until he could adapt it into a film. The $6 million budget was ballooned by his decision to shoot the film side-by-side on two cameras – one with 35 mm film and the other with high-definition video – since he reportedly didn’t know the difference between the formats.

The budget also climbed due to the use of digital effects. Plenty of rooftop scenes were shot in front of a green screen with the San Francisco cityscape composited in the background (very obviously, too).

See, much second-unit shooting was done in San Francisco, and footage of the city is shown for prolonged periods throughout the film. Roomies prompt “Where's the movie set?”, “Alcatraz!” and (my favourite) a crescendo of “Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!” during three prolonged tracking shots across the Golden Gate Bridge.

And the music! The soundtrack mainly consists of slow R&B love songs so unbearably saccharine, the audience begins a slow clap – whether for amusement or to drown out the sentimentality is an unsolved mystery. One person in front of me even took out a lighter to mock the romantic mood.

The Room has been cited as the “Citizen Kane of bad movies,” appropriate since a scene near the end consists of Johnny destroying his house in the same embittered way that Charles Foster Kane did at the end of that film. That’s as far as the comparisons come, though.

Seeing The Room is a life-affirming experience that demonstrates the power and magic of cinema. Do yourself a favour and keep an eye out for it in your local listings. I won't spoil any more of the film for you - all I can tell you is “Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!”